Ah, you spent your entire life with your beloved hair. It was always there for you – your first kiss, your first drink, and so on. Your hair always had your back, until suddenly, it vanished. You’re bald at 20 years old. This would be fine if you were 30, 40, 50 – hell, anything but 20! How can you get through your early 20’s when you’re bald? Can bald guys even get girls? Is your life over?
Fear not my friend, I’m here to tell you that everything is going to be okay. You probably have similar fears to my own when I lost my hair at 20, so I’m just going to speak as I would to my younger self.
On Losing Your Confidence Because You’re Bald
Despite the fact that your confidence is an intangible aspect of your existence and your hair is a tangible collection of protein strands, they do still relate to each other. I’m not saying it’s logical (it’s not), I’m just saying that’s the way it seems to be.
You see, there’s an old saying – “Look good, feel good.”
That saying is true, and it’s applicable here. For some unfortunate reason, guys think that when they’re bald they don’t look good. And since they don’t look good, they don’t feel good.
Well, for starters – you probably don’t look as bad as you think. Nobody is more critical of you than you are to yourself, and that’s the truth. There are plenty of things you can do to make the most of your look, but more on that later. Stop being so critical of yourself, chill out, and read the other posts on this site about maximizing your appearance.
The reality is if you lost your confidence because your appearance changed, then you were never truly confident in the first place. You see, true confidence does not get interrupted by a change in hairline, true confidence comes from within and is everlasting. Don’t worry, it doesn’t mean you are alone in never being confident. Very few guys are truly confident enough that they can act as they are despite changing external circumstances.
But, since you’re bald, you have been blessed with a rare opportunity. You realize now that you were never truly confident, and now you have the chance to learn real confidence.
So how do you do that? Honestly, just do things that improve you as a person, and along the way you’ll eventually realize “wow, I’m a pretty awesome person.”
Good Self Improvement Activities
- Get in shape
- If you haven’t already, start going to the gym. Here’s a good workout program: Geek to Freak. If you can’t afford it, try doing bodyweight exercises. Getting exercise, I think, is the single most effective thing you can do to regain your confidence. The benefits of exercise have been proven time and time again. Exercise has been scientifically proven to mitigate the effects of depression and, in turn, improve self confidence. It will improve your physical appearance and result in some confidence boosting chemicals within your body.
- Read Books
- “A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone if it is to keep its edge” -Tyrion Lannister
- Game of thrones anybody? But seriously, you should try reading books. You will learn so much. In books, you can absorb entire lifetimes of wisdom condensed into a few hundred pages.
- If you read any or all of these, you’ll be on a good track.
- Listen to podcasts.
- Listening to podcasts has been great for me. I like listening to Tim Ferriss, and it’s really easy. All you have to do is go to the podcast app on your phone (it’s pre-installed), and search Tim Ferriss. The premise of his podcast is that to interview highly successful people, and get insight into their mind and routines. It’s great because you can pretty much learn from some of the most successful people on the planet for free, from anywhere (assuming you have your phone).
- Join an improv club
- This will make you fast on your feet, make you funnier, and expose you to fear of social judgment, and possibly desensitizing you from it. It’s good because you’re not doing it alone, you’re on stage with a few other people who are in the exact, terrifying situation that you’re in.
On Being Bald and Still Being Attractive to Girls
This is probably your primary concern – You’re 20 years old, you want to go out to parties, bars, etc., to go get laid! One night stands, woo!
I’m not here to tell you what you should be doing in your sex life. Personally, I’ve never been huge on one night stands, though I understand the impulse.
What I’m here for is the help you get what you want despite being bald – if you want girls, you can absolutely still get girls. 10 years from now, when you’re 30, you’ll realize that girls don’t really care about your hair. They care about your lasting traits – your humor, your wit, your humility, things about you that don’t fade.
In my early 20’s, I knew a guy, let’s call him Mark. Mark was an absolute twig, a balding, scrawny, tall and awkward looking guy. Despite his obvious physical imperfections, he was one of the most sexually successful people on campus. How? Don’t looks matter?
Well, the thing about Mark was that he had a quality that girls cannot resist – he did not care what anybody thought of him. He was not afraid to make a fool of himself, he was not afraid of rejection, he was not afraid of virtually any nightmarish social scenario. He was funny, not because of witty jokes or a supreme intellect, but because of his willingness to do things the majority of people would be scared to do.
I’m sure the majority of men have encountered Marks in their own life. Do you see what I’m getting at here?
Your appearance will not stop you from getting girls. Your level of confidence will determine your success in that regard.
We’re lucky as guys because girls aren’t as shallow as we are. They are forced, by nature, to be more selective with who they pair with. Because of that, hair isn’t as important to them as other qualities. So, just improve yourself as a person, see above, and the girls will follow.
Per usual, I am a fan of books to help you in life, and there are books that will certainly help you with women.
Books That Will Help You Get Girls
- The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
- Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
- The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature
Those books will surely give you some new things to think about, and get you further on your way to self improvement and being the best person you can be.
How to be Cool With Being Bald at 20
Okay, realistically, everything I wrote above can apply to any guy that is bald. So why is this targeted at guys who are bald at 20? Really, you don’t have to be bald at 20 for this to be relevant, in general, being bald young, be it 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, up to maybe 30ish, is a lot more rough than going bald at age 30 or beyond. (Sorry guys 30 and beyond, you really do have it much, much easier than the young baldies among us)
Alright, so here’s the deal. You’re the only bald guy you know your age. Whenever you go out to to bar or parties, everyone has thick, beautiful hair because everyone is 20, and most 20 year olds have hair. That is the reality.
Fear not. I started losing my hair at 19, I shaved it by 20, and have been rocking it comfortably ever since. Don’t look at yourself as a young bald man, look at yourself as a young man because that is what you are. Do not subscribe yourself to labels.
A comforting exercise perhaps would be to ask somebody older than 45 who has a thick head of hair which they prefer: would you rather be 45 with hair, or 20 and bald?
You could ask 1000 guys, the answer would be unanimous: “I would way rather be bald at 20, having my youth back, than 45 with hair as I am now.”
Want to know why? It’s because you are still young. Do not waste your youth with insecurities of how you look, people around the world wish they could be young again.
Put things in perspective, don’t compare yourself to the guys with hair your age. Compare yourself to the population as a whole – despite being bald (again, being bald isn’t that bad, I’m just trying to appeal to the audience), you are in an awesome position the grand scale of things. You are 20 years old, you are younger than most college graduates, you probably don’t even have a full time job yet. Enjoy your free time. You have unlimited opportunities in the world, there is nothing holding you back. Your entire life is ahead of you. Do you know how foolish you would sound to a person older than you, complaining that you don’t like your life because of your hairline?
You Can Still Get Girls Your Age
Yep, you can still be bald at 20 and date girls your age. Get on a workout regimen. Improve your self confidence. Be ambitious, chase things you think you aren’t worthy of (you are worthy, by the way).
I understand, you might be reading this thinking “it’s easy for him to sit and type this, but does he actually believe any of this?” YES! I do believe it, all of it. I truly do.
In my early 20’s, I was by no means a “go to the bar, get new girl every night” kind of guy, but I did fairly well for myself. I had numerous flings with very attractive girls, I had 2 long term (>6 month) relationships, and I also turned down my fair share.
How? I don’t know exactly how, but I think it’s because I followed the similar outline to what I posted above. I did things that boosted my confidence – I kept care of myself, I read books, I gained hobbies. Beyond that, I put myself out there. I figured hey, I’m bald, girls aren’t going to just walk up to me anymore. So I walked up to them – I got turned down, plenty of times, but I was also occasionally rewarded with relationships as a result of my persistence.
I’m not special, I’m a pretty normal guy. I graduated from a very middle-tier school, had very middle tier grades, and today I’d still say “I’m a pretty normal guy.” If I can get my needs met, so can you.
The notion that being bald will in anyway hinder your life experience is complete nonsense. What will hinder your life experience is the way you look at the circumstances you face, so start looking at them rationally rather than immediately assuming the worst.
Your situation won’t improve if you just wallow about, but if you actively seek to improve yourself – good things will happen.
“Once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you.” – Tyrion Lannister