America’s Bald Presidents: The Megalist

Statistics show that bald men appear to be more dominant, taller, and in general – more intimidating than men with hair. Knowing that, it’s no surprise that there are dozens of bald men at the top of their fields – be it business, science, or, in this case, politics.

From Jeff Bezos to Benjamin Franklin, bald men have undoubtedly left their mark on the United States, as there have been hundreds of bald congressmen, titans of industry, representatives, supreme court justices, and, most notably, bald presidents.

John Adams – The Revolutionary

John Adams was the two term vice president of arguably the greatest president ever – George Washington. He was then elected after George Washington as the second President ever, and the first of the nations bald presidents. He is the father of the US Navy and the first President to live in the White House.Before his death, he issued one of his final public statements that is now known to be an accurate prediction of the nations future.

My best wishes, in the joys, and festivities, and the solemn services of that day on which will be completed the fiftieth year from its birth, of the independence of the United States: a memorable epoch in the annals of the human race, destined in future history to form the brightest or the blackest page, according to the use or the abuse of those political institutions by which they shall, in time to come, be shaped by the human mind.

– John Adams

John Quincy Adams – The Diplomat

John Quincy Adams was the sixth president and son of John Adams, the second president. He spent much of his life in politics, working his way up from a senator, to the secretary of state, and eventually to the presidency. John QuincyAdams had an incredibly ambitious presidential agenda, but due to a hostile congress (led by Andrew Jackson – who, notably, had beautiful hair) was unable to accomplish much. After his first term, he was defeated by Andrew Jackson and not re-elected. In a true show of character, John Quincy Adams did not retire, but instead, he put his head down and continued working for the American people as a representative in Congress. John Quincy Adams was known to be a fantastic Secretary of State, and played a great role in easing tensions following the War of 1812.

I am a warrior, so that my son may be a merchant, so that his son may be a poet.

-John Quincy Adams

Martin Van Buren – The Dutchman

Martin Van Buren was the vice president to the extremely democratic president Andrew Jackson. After Andrew Jacksons second term, Van Buren was very easily elected to the highest office.

Van Buren was and is the only President to speak a foreign language as their first language, as he was raised speaking Dutch. Unfortunately, history does not shine too favorably on Van Buren as he was in charge during a major economic depression, the panic of 1837,  and he was often dubbed Martin Van “Ruin”.

As to the presidency, the two happiest days of my life were those of my entrance upon the office and my surrender of it.

-Martin Van Buren

James Garfield – The General

James Garfield was a Major General for the Union Army during the civil war. He staunchly opposed secession and was a strong supporter of civil rights for African Americans. After unexpectedly being appointed as the party

candidate of the Republican National Party, he was able to gain office after a positive campaign significantly boosted by his strong orating ability. Unfortunately, he was shot a few months into his presidency by a disillusioned supporter. Like the true strong, bald President he was, Garfield was able to hang on to his life for nearly 3 months before finally succumbing to an infection.

“If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should not grow old.”

-James Garfield

Dwight Eisenhower – The Finisher

Dwight Eisenhower, in retrospect, was one of the most successful Presidents the US has ever seen. Here are just a few bullet points of accomplishments under his presidency.

  • 1960 Civil Rights
  • Establishment of NASA
  • 70% growth of American GDP
  • Admission of Hawaii and Alaska to the US
  • Ended the Korean War

In addition to his presidency, he also played an absolutely huge role in the allied victory over axis forces in WW by helping to write up war plans in the pacific and eventually working as the Supreme Allied Commander in Europe. He is such a military and political icon that he even has an aircraft carrier honoring his namesake.

“Americans, indeed, all free men, remember that in the final choice a soldier’s pack is not so heavy a burden as a prisoner’s chains.”

-Dwight D. Eisenhower

Gerald Ford – The Sweeper

Gerald Ford came into the US Presidency during a mess. He wasn’t elected, but rather stood in as the next in line after the standing President, Nixon, resigned following the watergate. On top of watergate, Ford had to also deal with the fallout from the war in Vietnam. Unfortunately, he presided over a severely recessed economy and one of his most famous act was pardoning Nixons corruption crimes. In his younger days, Gerald Ford was a star athlete and captain of his high school football team, it’s interesting to consider how his life would’ve turned out had he pursued football instead of politics.

I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today.

-Gerald Ford

Donald Trump – The Tweeter

This may come as a surprise to you, but Donald Trump is naturally a bald man. He has had scalp reduction surgery, takes hair loss medications, and has his hair professionally worked to conceal the fact, but Trump is in fact bald. It isn’t totally clear when Trump started losing his hair or when he had surgery, but the evidence is clear enough that it has been done. This isn’t a political website, never has been, never will be. To sum up Donald Trumps presidency in a word, controversial.

I’ve always won, and I’m going to continue to win. And that’s the way it is.
-Donald J Trump

Bald Presidents in the US – Conclusion

America has had its fair share of bald presidents. Not all of our bald Presidents have gleaming reviews, but that’s beside the point. The most important takeaway here is that these men all accomplished extraordinary things, in spite of their hair loss.

We have sent bald men to the moon, the richest man on earth is bald, our current president is basically bald, etc, etc – you get the point. The trajectory of any bald person fully depends on their own actions in life, not on their follicle count.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *